I'm done!

I thought I could write myself out of my own misery and frustrations... and I thought that by sharing I would find some sort of peace but I am not.
And I keep telling myself to focus on the positives but I am just...

Hurting. Smiling and living and loving and hurting.

So I am not going to muse anymore. I need to stop.
Maybe I'll be back.
Maybe I won't.
God knows there is way too much of me on display and I am thinking I should keep some of me for myself.

Judgement is not yours but lets just say you could one day meet someone who's heart bled often of their weaknesses and loves, based on her own twisted vision of the world. One so distinct that it was abused for being plain, honest and different. One too generous. One too damaged by time...Would you love her or judge her for being human? Would you love her or blame her for not knowing better and always giving people the benefit of the doubt? Would you love someone so easily? Would you judge her and see no balance? Would you give her a better option?

This blog was a testimony of a found woman whose strength washed its way down to a bare body, bone and muscle... and whose soul is deeply wounded by ignorance. Her own and that of her DNA.
This blog was a testimony to a profound sense of sharing and compassion for a world that is concerning itself with all the wrong things and would rather build buildings and feed us pigs and have us thinking there is nothing more to life than your own personal satisfaction. How does that even make sense. Why are we all here together just to manipulate, hurt and abuse each other? Physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? Its so absurd but its so real.

Well good people...its a lie.
There are a lot more reasons to live than just for yourself.
You are important.
We are important.
Our energy is important and the movement within us is stronger than any building or disease.

These words were important.
BUT
I would rather be quiet.
I would rather be a better observer.
I would rather stop caring.
I would rather have enough cool and enough 'know-how' to live behind those walls that everyone else seems to be safe behind.
I gotta try it out somehow.
Protecting myself.

From myself and my willingness to go places other people refuse to go. And go there alone.
Bump writing.
I have to learn to protect myself.
I have to learn to protect myself.
I have to learn.

I'm done.