Low Self-Esteem...Real Talks

I have low self-esteem.

Not every minute of everyday, but I see how it is affecting my morals and my so-called "honesty and sincerity" when dealing with other peoples feelings.

Sometimes I see how I lack the confidence to do exactly what I want and say exactly what I want. Good, bad or inconsequential.

At the root of my problem is the thought that I am unlovable. I have been constantly aggravated by the thought of being alone. And it means a lot more to me than other people because, I have always been alone.

Loneliness is not just about feeling a deep need to connect with others in solitary moments, its also about gaining something insightful and indicative in and of your affections of others.

So, I find myself over-compensating too often, the need to be complete. I find myself over-compensating so karma doesn't come back and bite me in the ass. I find myself over-compensating because I dance with Mr. Intentional too often and just when he brings me to the gates of hell, I retreat with remorse and conscience.

And then there is when the pendulum swings the other way, and I am so confident, so full of grace, so happy and content with who I am that all I do is look for the mirrors of goodness around me. That is truthfully where most of you all are.

Living in a love state of mind has a price...and its the unconditional road that we stand on when we don't know better, to do better. And so, since I know that I can dish my fair share of abuse when I am ready, I endear enough of my own...because there is some value in it.

And at other times, there is no value...you just have low self-esteem.

Everybody plays a fool...just not every day. You know what I mean?

"We keep on returning, because the lessons need learning."

kisses