Nurturing: Men

I want to be clear when I speak these words because I know I get angry and out of order sometimes on this topic.

Men.
Nurturing: Men.

I wonder if I could nurture a boy what kind of things I would say to him to love him into understanding why his backbone needs to be strong?
Is it me or does it seem like masculinity...is now more a part of me than quite a few of my counterparts? Gloria Steinem said, "We are becoming the men we wanted to marry." And this is not a problem if men don't mind. But they do. And they complain or leave or become passive aggressive abusers.

Men sincerely seem to be afraid of women who know what they want.
Men sincerely seem to be afraid of commitment.
Men sincerely seem to be afraid of doing the most righteous and upstanding thing.

Can a woman actually teach a man to be a better man?
When women submit to men are we actually helping the situation or making a man feel worse?
Do men feel emasculated by powerful women?
And how does love play a role in these relationships?

My commentary...
I think men and women feel the same about validation.
Self confidence is a major problem in our relationships normally from the up jump because it seems like so many us are battling how to be better and not believing that who we are is enough. Like perfectionism is not always healthy. It breeds fear of failure. It breeds insecurity. It breeds dis-contentment with reality to the point of sometimes not being able to change it. Because what you know about life, love, happiness...is enough even if its not what you want.

Who we are right now, is valid. We are taught to keep trying keep going, keep taking criticism, keeping striving to be "something", even when that "something" is not even an accurate reflection of who we are. And this is not to say that we should stop trying to attain things. Quite the contrary, we need goals and aspirations. But we don't need to be second guessing ourselves out of everything. Because we end up mediocre. We end up sitting on fences. We end up abusing our character by denying ourselves real opportunities to grow and replacing them with questions about yourself that don't need answers. Because they don't matter.

Accept who you are and move forward. Men.
Accept your privilege.
Accept the size of your penis.
Accept your reading and writing capabilities.
Accept your beauty.
Accept your strength.
Accept your weakness.
Accept your vulnerability.
Accept that you are who you are and if there is still an issue, as me/mom/friends for help because I really can't stand another frustrating love.
Its hard to deal with fake confidence. Like we can't see that the confidence you move with is flawed if there are so many things about you/me/us that you are still worried about. Stop.
Love yourself.
Then you can do what you need to do.
Love yourself.
Then you can love me, honestly.
Love yourself.
Because, I will love you anyway.
But we can't be safe in that space until you know how amazing you are and are meant to be.

Kisses

I'm done!

I thought I could write myself out of my own misery and frustrations... and I thought that by sharing I would find some sort of peace but I am not.
And I keep telling myself to focus on the positives but I am just...

Hurting. Smiling and living and loving and hurting.

So I am not going to muse anymore. I need to stop.
Maybe I'll be back.
Maybe I won't.
God knows there is way too much of me on display and I am thinking I should keep some of me for myself.

Judgement is not yours but lets just say you could one day meet someone who's heart bled often of their weaknesses and loves, based on her own twisted vision of the world. One so distinct that it was abused for being plain, honest and different. One too generous. One too damaged by time...Would you love her or judge her for being human? Would you love her or blame her for not knowing better and always giving people the benefit of the doubt? Would you love someone so easily? Would you judge her and see no balance? Would you give her a better option?

This blog was a testimony of a found woman whose strength washed its way down to a bare body, bone and muscle... and whose soul is deeply wounded by ignorance. Her own and that of her DNA.
This blog was a testimony to a profound sense of sharing and compassion for a world that is concerning itself with all the wrong things and would rather build buildings and feed us pigs and have us thinking there is nothing more to life than your own personal satisfaction. How does that even make sense. Why are we all here together just to manipulate, hurt and abuse each other? Physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? Its so absurd but its so real.

Well good people...its a lie.
There are a lot more reasons to live than just for yourself.
You are important.
We are important.
Our energy is important and the movement within us is stronger than any building or disease.

These words were important.
BUT
I would rather be quiet.
I would rather be a better observer.
I would rather stop caring.
I would rather have enough cool and enough 'know-how' to live behind those walls that everyone else seems to be safe behind.
I gotta try it out somehow.
Protecting myself.

From myself and my willingness to go places other people refuse to go. And go there alone.
Bump writing.
I have to learn to protect myself.
I have to learn to protect myself.
I have to learn.

I'm done.

Lent - 40 days and 40 nights Part 16

Overcoming the narcissism...

Lent - 40 days and 40 nights Part 15

It was all you couldn't say that was needed to be said.
Respect is a terrible thing to waste.
I'll put your heart and my heart to rest. But you'll watch more things go by, more chances lost, more hearts break, more worlds collide and more teeth decay before you get the kind of sleep I'm getting. Solid bottoms and rock bottoms are not the same thing.

Find peace because the calmness is all a facade.
You are not really cool.
You are contrived. And would suffer a lot to maintain a lie.

It was all you couldn't say that was needed to be said...