That thing (I can't name)

In hunger we search for that thing,
To satiate our understandings.
Most times our understandings are wrong,
So we keep wanting.

In passion we long for that thing,
To climb mountains
And arrive at mountain tops.
We could never really stay there even though we toil so hard for those feelings. Accomplishment.

In motive we want for that thing,
The honesty we avoid sometimes so we can justifiably walk a certain way.
The loving of the insignificance so we no longer have to face certain kinds deception,
Instead we wait until it all sounds true.

But what trumps all desire,
What makes you and me and the sunrise such a reality,
Is the moment we stop wanting, stop begging, stop reaching...and be still.
Like a tower, like a tree, like a mountain, like a building, like a jewel. Like concrete!

It plain old hurts to lose so why not give the universe a chance to give you, you.
In all your glory.
Shiny and comfortable and meant to be.

Yeah.

Identity

Labels. Labels. Labels.

Everybody has them. Everybody fits at least 4 of them without trying. By merely existing.
Labels. You can't really seem to get away from them and even when you try not to label other people, experience gets in the way. You become...knowing and all knowing about the characteristics of that person who you really don't want to label because...you hate labels.

Identity is a label.
We are all something. A daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, a child, an adult, a writer, an artist, an alcoholic, a flake...whatever. We all have something that makes us real, memorable or unique, and that "thing" is a label.

When I think about identity, I try to think about the up side and the down side of it.
Like...trying to live spiritually and reliant on feelings, is perceived as something.
Being Black is perceived as something.
Being a woman, is perceived as something.
Being honest or straight-forward is perceived as something.
Over-compensating and imposing is perceived as a lack of something. So identifying with myself is a matter of perception. Who I share that self-perceived perspective with, would be someone, who according to their own understanding of my word, would "know" me.

Identity follows us everywhere.
Be it, trans-continental or local, we don't really have the option of disappearing.

Identity... can be a brilliant thing. Claiming ideas/ideals about who we really are to feed our egos. I reckon the good kind. It allows us the chance to be something we believe to be true in word and form, trying to evolve in the framework of cultural/class/racial/social identity is a distinct human experience. Because from adolescence, we start to really shape our bodies with a personality and panache. And effectively start adding on the baggage based solely on whether or not it is acceptable to others.

These days I would rather strip myself of another label in order to get another layer of humanity past the pestilence called baggage, but I tend to think that loving myself helps a lot. Breaking down one concern after another, claiming an identity does not cover me or protect me, from shame, embarrassment, or misunderstandings. It most certainly allows other people the freedom to adopt pre-suppositions about me and my circumstances. And one would say, I shouldn't care...This is life.

But is it really?

Cheating...or the bigger picture?

So...
There is all this talk about cheating going on and I have some perspective to add to it.

Attraction is, by definition, the gravitational pull of one object to another.
Attraction is, by definition, the electromagnetic force that pulls one mental disposition to a corresponding circumstance or event.

All in accordance with what we are...Human. So just like the proliferation of mankind...
Attraction will never stop.
Attraction will never end.

So now that we have established this, we should try to look at infidelities in this light.
The act of cheating means different things to the people in the relationship as opposed to the person outside of it.

I think cheating happens. Not to everyone, but it happens.

And as someone who, seems to always crush other peoples' partners, I always think about how easy/appealing it is sometimes to destroy the moral fabrics of love relationships.

On one hand, I get self conscious about the entire thing. Like what is it really saying about me, if knowingly get with someone else's partner? Do I have low self-esteem? Am I being scandalous? Am I just being indulgent and self-gratifying? How am I going to look if I don't care about this woman's feelings? And should she even want this dude if he would risk the relationship?

And then on the other hand, is attraction. Bump all that other stuff.
All the things you like and want and feel and desire is looking you in the face asking to be acknowledged, and the only thing standing in your way is this other person and a connection that exists with someone else, that has absolutely nothing to do with you. And you just want it. So to stop yourself is conceding. Its admitting defeat. Its being completely disrespectful to the fate of the cosmic operation. And love, actually, is one's motivation.

Is there not enough merit in one's motivation for love?
If there in lies a spiritual connection in the revelation of a union between people, would that not merit one's motivation for love?
Or would you rather just throw these notions under the bus?

Moreover is the truth of deeds, actions and their interpretations.
Its hard for me to look at every person I am attracted to and think that my heightened level of awareness for this person's energy is automatically meant to be interpreted as romantic. I mean, then I would be having romantic rendezvous's with damn near half of the world's population.

Lastly is a question of ownership and boundaries.
Does anyone really belong to anyone else?
Does commitment always have to constitute emotional/physical co-dependency on one other person?
Do relationships really suffer or thrive with the knowledge and freedom to be who you are with whoever you choose in respectful capacities to your love arrangements?

And then other times (which is most times), people are just horny or unhappy or uncommunicative.

For all the intents and purposes of writing this particular rant, I would have to say that cheating is not just about one or two things. Its about a myriad of possibilities with varying mental/emotional states of being. Its about change, love, indifference and frustrations. Its about getting down to the core values and convictions about love. And one should not venture there if you are not willing to do the spiritual work necessary to thrive knowing where you should be, with who you should be, not based on a ring or necklace or rent or your ego or an institutional piece of paper telling you that your feelings towards you partner will somehow automatically make you an adulterer for loving someone else outside of that...because you can and you will if your love is not motivated by something more pure and riskier than the spews and songs about love in our societies.

The journey is long and sometimes lonely. But then, where would we be if everything, everybody, everywhere, always stayed the same? But when you find it and know its there and its yours even though it has the freedom to be absent or nullified at any point...But its still there anyway...Like God...Like love, then this conversation is forgotten and we get back to making the world a better place for our children.

But somethings are just not meant to be.

But maybe I'm being too idealistic about our "selves" and our hormones. Maybe I should just go buy some shoes.

Kisses

Man Tears.

I like men who cry.

I like men who know how to express their feelings so that they get what they want.

I like men who tell me how they feel and show me how they feel.

I like men who know what masculinity is and still embrace their femininity.

I like men who know that self love and self discipline are a part of growing up.

I like men who are gentle.

I like men who are strong enough to be vulnerable sometimes.

I like men who cry.

Because our humanity is full of so many emotions and negating all of them so people will respect you or engage you or appreciate you is someone one dimensional.

We are not one dimensional. We are multi-dimensional with memories, consciousness, sub-consciousness, deliberations, intentions, agendas...We are full of motivations and necessities and obligations.

So, should we stop for one moment and definitively experience everything...to its most imminent sensation, would we not feel such gratitude for life?

I remember one night, I went out with some friends and I was craving a Wolfhound Burger and ranch sauce for weeks. When I got there and ordered my food, my lips probably started to water. But what I remember to this day was what happened when it came. I tasted it. I tasted it as an abundance of flavor existing with me in that moment. I needed it and it needed me so that we could recognize each other. I sat there in silence, surrounded by loving friends but not hearing a word they said, not seeing a damn thing around me, just lost in the moment and flavors and meditation of that immensely satisfying hamburger. It was amazing and the experience has never been the same.

As I sit here and writing about that high state of consciousness where every fiber in my being was focused on tasting that burger, I can't help but think how passionate my life has become on account of wanting to feel everything to its capacity...including love. But strong enough and balance enough to know when its over or maximized so that I don't, in return, ruin the memory of having it and feeling high off of it even when its on life support.

So...yeah. As mirroring bodies that want to incarnate for the purpose of growth...
I hope my lover cries. I hope he/she cries a good cry from time to time. So our souls can convene and reconvene in purity and honesty.

Kisses